When speaking to a mom who has lost her baby, it's important to offer compassion and understanding. Here are some things you should do and things you definitely should not do.
You don’t have to be eloquent. Keep it simple and be direct. Say:
Some people want to be alone, while others might want company. Offer up your time and remember you don’t need to say anything, you can just be there. Say:
Never, ever, ever say these things:
She might want to talk about her baby or her experience, or she might not. Follow her lead and listen without judgment. Remember, you actually don’t have to say anything. Silence is OK.
People love to share stories of something that happened to a friend, sister, person on the news, just don’t do it.
Every mom who has lost a baby has blamed herself for it. There are so many irrational reasons running through her mind, so don’t ask unless she wants to talk about it.
Instead of offering up a general ‘let me know what you need’ or ‘let me know if you need anything’ get specific. For example:
There are so many ways to remember a lost baby. Some ideas are:
Everyone grieves differently. Respect her process and give her the space and time she needs. But that doesn’t mean don’t check in. It’s OK to say I’m thinking about you.
If you need more support, check out Postpartum Support International’s list of resources. There you will find lots of support for moms, dads, grandparents and the rest of the Village.
Losing a baby sucks. We are sorry you needed to read this for inspiration on how to support a loved one. Remember, your presence and willingness to listen are often more comforting than any words you could say. Being there for her, even in silence, can be a tremendous source of comfort.
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