We’ve all done it. You think you are well meaning and what comes out of your mouth just doesn't meet the moment. So, what should you say to a pregnant person? Let's take a look at some dos and don'ts.
It’s no secret that pregnancy changes a woman’s body. Please avoid commenting on the size, shape, or specifics of a pregnant person’s body, as these remarks can feel very personal and sometimes offensive.
Don't Say:
You're so huge!" / "Are you sure it's not twins?" / "You look ready to pop!" / "You're too skinny to be pregnant."
Instead, Try:
Compliments that focus on overall well-being like "You look wonderful!" or specific positives like "Your bump is adorable!"
Next up, let’s not say anything about what the pregnant person is doing. Steer clear of questioning or passing judgment on a pregnant person’s eating habits, activities, and other personal choices.
Don't Say
"Should you be eating that?" / "You shouldn't be doing that while pregnant." / "You should be resting, not out and about."
Instead, Try:
Supportive comments that respect their autonomy, such as "That looks delicious!" or offering help if needed.
Questions or statements that pry into the private matters of pregnancy (like conception) or assume the right to physical touch is intrusive. Please do not go there.
Never Say: "Was it planned?" / "Can I touch your belly?"
Instead, Try: General expressions of congratulations or support, and always ask for permission if touching is brought up.
Comments about the number of children, parenting style, or the future can add stress or imply judgment about their family decisions.
Don't Say: "You must be hoping for a boy (or girl)." / "Are you planning on more kids?" / “Wow, you already have a lot of kids.”
Instead, Try:
Neutral questions or support for their current state, such as "Do you have any preferences?" or acknowledging their capabilities.
Avoid assumptions about gender, the baby’s impact on their life, and roles based on age or other factors.
Don't Say
"You’re carrying low; it must be a boy!" / "Aren't you a bit young (or old) to have a baby?"
Instead, Try
Comments that respect their unique experience and feelings, like "Every pregnancy is unique, isn’t it?"
Focus on being supportive and empathetic rather than making assumptions about their experience or feelings post-birth.
Don't Say
"Say goodbye to your sleep!" / "Better get used to having no time for yourself!"
Instead, Try
Offer support and ask open-ended questions about how they're managing and if they need help, like "It’s going to be a big and rewarding change. Do you need anything?"
When talking to someone who is pregnant, it's important to be cautious about sharing personal experiences or stories from others that might overshadow their unique journey or cause unnecessary worry.
Don't Say:
"When I was pregnant, I had so many complications..." or "My friend had a really tough labor..."
Instead, Try:
Share stories that are uplifting, reassuring, or neutral, and always keep the focus on the listener's experience. For example, "Every pregnancy is different, so take all stories, even mine, with a grain of salt! How has your experience been so far?"
These themes help guide respectful, supportive conversations that honor the experience of pregnancy and recognize the pregnant person's autonomy and individuality.
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